When Love and Hate Collide
by Alania Black
Summary: Sirius, Remus, Willow, Slash. Sums it up really
1. 1 One Night Alone

Hi, my first ever Challenge! This was given to me by Lillei, with the Keywords Sirius, Remus, Willow, Slash. (Willow referring to the Whomping Willow incident with Snape) So, obviously, this is dedicated to her.

WARNINGS: Slash of the Sirius/Remus variety, Mpreg later on.

DISCLAIMER: Don't own, don't sue. Does anyone bother with this really? No, didn't think so.

SUMMARY: Sirius, Remus, Willow, Slash. Sums it up really

When Love and Hate Collide.

Chapter One, One Night Alone.

When Love and Hate Collide; Def Leppard.

_You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind  
Instead of slamming down the phone babe, for the hundredth time  
I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call  
When divided we stand baby, united we fall_

_Got the time got a chance gonna make it  
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it  
All I know I can't fight this flame  
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind  
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time_

_Without you  
One night alone Is like a year without you baby  
Do you have a heart of stone  
Without you  
Can't stop the hurt inside  
When love and hate collide_

_I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for  
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war  
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise  
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes_

_There's a time and a place and a reason  
And I know I got a love to believe in  
All I know got to win this time_

_Without you  
One night alone Is like a year without you baby  
Do you have a heart of stone  
Without you  
Can't stop the hurt inside  
When love and hate collide_

_You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind  
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby…Crazy…Crazy_

_Without you  
One night alone  
Is like a year without you baby  
Do you have a heart of stone  
Without you  
One night alone  
Is like a year without you baby  
If you have a heart at all  
Without you  
Can't stop the hurt inside  
When love and hate collide_

Remus curled up in agony; panic fighting its way through his consciousness. The transformation was coming, quickly at that, and he was fighting hard to retain control. His furious struggle was making this all the more painful, but he couldn't allow himself to transform if it meant killing anyone, even Severus Snape.

Especially Severus Snape.

Unfortunately, the Wolf had other plans, plans which involved tearing Remus to shreds – mind and body – and howling in anguish for it's mate.

Sirius. The reason Remus had spent so long panicky, gripping to his last shreds of sanity. Sirius had betrayed him, told his secret to someone. Severus Snape, no less. Worse, he'd told Snape to come here, to the Shack, to the waiting teeth of the Werewolf, where death would be a lucky escape – for both of them.

The only relief Remus had was the knowledge that James was out there; hopefully Snape wouldn't get past.

Severus Snape was frustrated beyond belief. That imbecile Black had finally answered the question that had been bugging him since he first noticed and began to quietly watch Remus Lupin – where the boy vanished to each month. He was here, at the Whomping Willow, about to find out all his answers, when he'd yet again been denied his chance. James Potter, bane of his existence, was stood at the Willow, seemingly waiting to prevent him from going any further. There was no way for him to get past.

Aha! That little worm, Pettigrew was there, finally, a distraction for Potter!

While James' back was turned, Severus slithered up to the Willow and prodded the knot just like Sirius had instructed. The large tree froze, and Severus breathed a silent sigh of thanks, before quietly slipping through the passageway.

James had only turned away for a second, one single second, to send Peter away. Once the boy was gone, he checked around nervously, noticing the disturbing silence. He then realized why it was so quiet. Snape had just slipped into the entrance to the tunnel.

"Shit!"

With a speed no one had before seen in the boy, James darted forward, getting into the entrance just as the Willow began swaying ferociously again. He began to run forwards, tripping over Snape's cloak on the way, he'd obviously removed it so he could run faster. James sped up, heart racing as he drew closer to the Shack's entrance.

Severus entered the trapdoor and found himself inside a boarded up old house, completely torn up, and, by the looks of things, completely abandoned. He froze, therefore, when he heard a low growl. He turned slowly, fighting back a scream as he noticed the large wolf in the corner. This was a Werewolf. Remus Lupin was a Werewolf.

"Moony, No!" He heard the loud yell behind him as the wolf took a step forwards, looking ready to pounce. He was yanked backwards as the wolf hesitated, momentarily startled, and the trapdoor was closed over his head, a loud bang sounding above then a second later, followed by a spine-tingling howl.

Severus had been taken to Dumbledore, where Madame Pomfrey had given him a Calming Drought to help with his shock. Dumbledore was now explaining about Remus' Lycanthropy and has sworn him to secrecy concerning the events of the night.

Sirius was sat on one of the benches outside Dumbledore's office, waiting to be taken in and dealt with. He hoped that Dumbledore would not expel him, he was only a few months away from his OWLs.

Panic was clouding the edges of his mind. What was Remus going to do when he found out that Sirius had betrayed him? Nothing good, that was for sure. Probably curse him to hell and back, literally, before spitting on his broken, bleeding body and promising never to be friends with him again. Sirius would die if that happened. He could not live without the friendship of the other Marauders. They were his only line of defense against his Parents.

He couldn't live without the friendship of Remus. He had accepted that he wouldn't get anything else, but nothing at all? Worse than any form of torture imaginable. He loved the golden boy, with his entire heart, and he couldn't bear to loose him. That was why he'd sent Snape to the Willow in the first place. He wasn't blind, he knew the boy fancied Remus, he just couldn't handle the idea of that bastard anywhere near _his_ Remus. So, when he'd caught Snape stalking Remus again, probably going to make him have sex with him, he just snapped. Unfortunately, he couldn't exactly use that as an excuse for anyone else. 'Oh, I'm sorry for almost getting you sent to Azkaban or killed, Remmie, but I saw Snape stalking you and I was afraid that you would decide you wanted to shag the hook nosed, greasy git who you hate with almost your entire being at times, and I got insanely jealous and decided to send him to get viscously mauled or killed by you.'

He didn't really think that would wash, for some reason.

James had taken Snape to Dumbledore, and after briefly explaining what he knew, he escaped to accompany Moony. The Werewolf always severely hurt itself on the full moons, but now, with the escape of prey, he would be especially viscous without his pack to distract him.

Prongs had found Moony curled up on the bed. There was blood splattered about, but it seemed the Wolf was a bit too busy moping to do severe damage. Odd, but at least he was all right. Prongs nudged him softly, and Moony whined for Padfoot. That made sense, he must understand that Padfoot betrayed him. Prongs knew, could sense it, that Moony had staked his claim on Padfoot, and that when he went into heat he would take the Dog as his mate – willing or not. He grinned. Sirius had no idea about Moony's strange feelings, and Remus seemed to be heavily in denial about it. It would make sense that the idea of his mate betraying him would make the werewolf depressed rather than angry, and that fact was frightening. An angry Moony could be dealt with, he expressed his anger. But a depressed werewolf was dangerous. They kept their depression bottled up, and it would kill him in the long run, especially as it would mean the wolf may not claim his mate, and a werewolf cannot live without claiming it's mate when in heat.

Prongs snorted shortly, before enticing Moony into a sort of game, hoping to keep the wolf occupied until sunrise.

"Mr. Black? Professor Dumbledore would like to see you now." Came Mcgonnagal's stern voice. Sirius gulped, and stood to face the wizened Professor.

A/N, weheeee! Chapter one finished! Chapter two should be coming soon. I just have to post a Halloween fic and finish Chapter Two of 'The Deal' first. Next week, hopefully.


	2. 2 A Year Without You

Hi! I know, I said a week and that was nearly two weeks ago, but I have been very busy!

Warnings and Disclaimers on Chapter 1. Thanks to all who reviewed, I love you all!

(Extra warning; graphic account of a Werewolf being "executed".)

When Love and Hate Collide.

Chapter Two, A Thousand Years Without You.

James sighed again as the Werewolf curled up on the bed again. He did this after a few seconds every time James started a new game. He had hoped he'd be able to take the wolf out hunting, but it refused to leave the safety of the Shack.

He turned at the sound of a blood-curdling howl. Moony was stood, stiff as a board, fur on end on the bed, howling in apparent agony at the moon. James began to panic. What the hell was going on?

After several minutes of this, Moony collapsed on the bed, whimpering. James noticed, panicked, that there was blood on the bedsheets. Not a huge amount, but it was there. Moony, after laying, whimpering on the bed for a few seconds, began to lick gently at his abdomen. He then picked himself up, and began to move around the bed frantically, pushing the bloodied sheets on the floor and pulling at the other one. After a few minutes, James recognized it as a makeshift bed. Why on earth...

The strange scent reached his senses seconds before the threatening growl did.

Sirius wanted to curl up and cry as he was led in to face Dumbledore. He'd disappointed the man before, caused problems, had letters sent home (and been beaten for each one when he returned for summer) and he'd been in this office more often than anyone else, except perhaps James.

But all of that had been silly and childish compared to this. Now he was here because he had betrayed one of his best friends, with every chance of getting him killed.

It had only been after he had sent Snape to the Willow that he'd realized that if Moony got to him before James did, Remus would be executed – any Werewolf that harmed a human faced an instant death sentence.

(Warning: Graphic scene following; please skip on if you do not feel up to it.)

Remus had once shown him a Werewolf facing execution. He'd been given a telecrystal with a record of a Werewolf girl, about 16, being executed because her parents hadn't locked the cage door properly and she's escaped and bitten the boy next door.

The first thing they did was force her to sit and listen to the boy and his parents as they spewed how much they hated her. (Remus had confided that he and his parents had cried and told the young woman who had bitten him – only a few years older than this girl– that they forgave her and they wished she didn't have to go through this.) Once these people had left, she was stripped and beaten. But this was no ordinary beating; they used pure silver batons, and each hit left burns. After a minute or so she collapsed, screaming in agony. The men around her forced her to stand up and hit her again, beating her harder each time she fell. When she was nearly unconscious, they forced a potion down her throat to enervate her, before they raped her, each man taking his own turn, hitting her with the silver batons as they did so – The Minister of Magic looking on as they did so. Once they had finished this carnal torture, they tied her up by her wrists on a huge pole, covered in strips of silver, and left her there, still hitting her with the batons, until, seventeen hours and forty-three minutes after she was first dragged into the room, she finally died.

It was only when they carried out a "post mortem", to see what was useful in Werewolf research, they discovered she'd been three months pregnant. the father was the boy she had bitten.

Remus had been forced to watch this for several weeks before coming to the school, each time he'd been asked if he still wanted to go. He'd thrown up later, but he'd still been determined. Sirius wasn't as brave. He been instantly sick, and for two weeks afterwards, Remus had had to sleep with him because he'd woken up with extreme nightmares, screaming and crying for Remus. The girl had looked so much like Remus that it wasn't any stretch of the imagination to see him there, being tortured like that.

And he very nearly could have been, and it would be all. His. Fault.

He'd not even needed to look at Dumbledore to see the disappointment shining in his clear blue eyes, and this broke him. He burst into tears, and found himself spilling the whole sordid mess to the old Professor, not even caring that he was admitting his feelings for Remus and his jealousy at Snape.

He'd nodded when the Professor had given him a detention every night for a month, he'd accepted his decision to send a letter home and he'd felt the Professor's view that it would be best to, after apologizing to Remus, giving the boy time to cool down before approaching him again.

It was when the Professor had told him that the punishment, because he couldn't stress the seriousness of what he'd done enough, was to watch the entire execution of Mary Sheppard, the young woman in Remus' telecrystal, every night for one month. He'd broken down into tears again, but had quickly calmed himself, reminding himself that he needed to get to Remus. The Werewolf may hate him, but he'd be ripping himself apart because of the loss of his prey, and Sirius should at least be there to help calm him.

He transformed into Padfoot and was halfway down the tunnel when the howling started. He stopped, fear overwhelming him. There was agony and fear in that scream. It was too reminiscent of the girls' screams in Remus' record and Sirius panicked for a second, thinking of all the things that could have gone wrong. Remus could be being tortured at this very second for a crime that Sirius had committed, not Remus.

He continued racing towards his friend when the howling stopped.

He reached the Shack and found the room Remus was in very quickly. He simply followed the tantalizing scent and eventually came to the bedroom, where his friend was right now pulling blankets around into a den, a nest for his pack.

He wasn't certain why he suddenly felt very, very angry with James, but he did. The growls that escaped his throat were enough to tell him he needed to calm down; but nobody, not even James, was allowed near his mate, and he'd be damned if he allowed James to keep staring at him like that. James, for his part, had turned around and, after spotting Sirius, had started backing away. He leapt through the doorway, effectively saying "Have him" to Sirius, and nudged the door closed.

Sirius then became aware that he'd had a 360o role reversal. Now he was the one facing a growling animal.

Remus had apparently crept up behind him and he was now growling quietly at his back. When Sirius turned around, however, and licked Moony's nose gently, the Werewolf whimpered and went back to his nest. He'd obviously been scared by Sirius' growls. He, apparently, had no idea that Sirius had betrayed him. He didn't seem angry at all. In fact, he seemed very calm. Too calm.

'Moony' Sirius whimpered. He was the only one out of the lot of them that could communicate with the Werewolf, and he used this to his advantage. 'what are you doing? What's happened?' He could smell blood, just beneath that heady, delicious scent, and he could practically sense that the Werewolf was in pain.

'Hot. Too hot. Need... need to lie down.' The Werewolf then curled in on himself in his "nest", licking his abdomen again. He was still whining. Sirius climbed up and curled up beside him. He nudged him gently, pushing his tongue away to see what was wrong. When he looked, however, there was nothing there.

'Pain... pups... pain.' "Pups" was something Remus sometimes said to Sirius. He didn't quite understand it, but he figured it was a nickname or something, despite Sirius being older and the "dominant" one. They'd established that the first moon so that Moony would always follow and trust Padfoot.

He gently licked the area. 'Pain here, Moonchild?' Remus whimpered again, and Sirius continued to lick the area, knowing it would soothe the Werewolf. He was not often allowed this luxury. Despite his trust of them, Moony was still guarded and it wasn't often, aside from play fighting, that he could touch the Wolf without him flinching away.

Fairly soon the whimpers grew deeper, into the equivalent of Moony's moans, obviously enjoying the other's soothing touch. That scent was growing stronger, clouding Padfoot's mind up.

Suddenly, Moony shifted, moving into a position that, although he'd never seen, Sirius instantly recognized.

'Mate, Sirius... need you now...' The Werewolf growled to him. Sirius stood, intending to move elsewhere, when the scent hit him again, ten times stronger than any time before, and he was on top of his mate in an instant.

A/N I know, he wouldn't do that... it will all be explained...

Well, R&R peeps!


	3. 3 Do You Have A Heart Of Stone?

I would very much like to thank Millie for posting this for me. My Internet at home is completely fucked up, and probably is going to remain so for a very long time. Therefore I have Internet access at school to my hotmail, but is banned (probably because of stories like this!) so the best I can do is send this on to people and hope to all the Gods and Goddesses of literature and arts and all that stuff, that it posts all right. I would right now like to apologize for any inconvenience this causes my avid fans; I can promise you now it is causing me twice as many problems! I WILL continue posting this at semi-regular intervals; I have survived major crashes before and I will survive again.

On to more important things; the posting of this so soon after the last one is my way of saying thank you and I'm sorry. Thank you to all my delightful reviewers (I will get around to thanking you individually in the fourth chapter or so...) and I'm sorry for making you wait so long... and also for any length of waiting you will have to do after this.

Warnings, Disclaimer and Summary in Chapter one.

When Love and Hate Collide.

Chapter Three, Do You Have a Heart of Stone?

James, the second he'd fled the room, had moved downstairs, snagged the Invisibility Cloak, and transformed halfway down the tunnel. The realization that Moony had gone into heat had occurred about the same second that he realized the scent was making him want to do things to the Werewolf he'd not even done with Lily yet.

Okay, so that was most things, but in his imagination, at least, there wasn't much left they hadn't already done.

He'd headed straight for the library, settling in for hours of research. Except the book he wanted was handed to him as he walked into the room by a twinkly-eyed Dumbledore, who then suggested he make his way to the Common Room, as it would be Curfew in a matter of minutes. James nodded, open mouthed, and walked back to the Room, not even wanting to contemplate thinking about how the man knew these things.

The book was incredibly useful. The scent was there to attract his mate; James had only picked up the scent because he'd been an animal. It was the scent of the submissive mate; the dominant on would usually pin his mate down and take him, mindless of the consequences. The nest was because a submissive mate would want a place for the cubs, as it anticipated reproduction, as many animals did.

However, when it came to the strange was Moony acted, and the obvious pain he was in, the book yielded practically nothing until the very last chapter.

_"During a study of a Werewolf who enters heat, it is discovered that a submissive male will go through pain, including a little bleeding, as it enters heat. It is believed that the Werewolf does this as the body prepares itself for mating and subsequent pregnancy, therefore the male body changes to incorporate the correct reproductive system._

_The changes allow for the male to fall pregnant and remain for the month that the male is in heat. After that, potions are needed to sustain the pregnancy and allow for birth. The male's body goes through these changes every year following the first as he continues to enter heat, allowing for a baby every year if the parents wish."_

Ah. This is not good. Pregnancy. Remus, who has probably already mated with Sirius. Oops.

James nearly flew down the corridors and headed outside. Unfortunately, about half way there, he tripped over a certain obstacle in the way.

"Severus? What are you doing out here?"

"I know about your little friend. I know you three planned to kill me. What happened, Potter? Bottle out?" He hissed.

"No, Sirius tried to get you back, teach you a lesson for stalking our friend. I stopped you because if I hadn't then Remus would have been executed, whether you lived or not. Simple as that."

"And I'm supposed to believe that? You, Potter, are sick. I'll see to it that this school sees what kind of monster Lupin is, and you'll see then. You'll see what happens when you cross a Snape." Snape sneered at him and made to walked away. He turned, and pulled his wand out, however James was prepared for him and hexed him, walking across and glaring down at him.

"Yeah, what are you going to do? Tell everyone? Dumbledore will know it is you, and only you will be expelled. I'm warning you, Snape, you owe me your life, do ANYTHING to hurt my friend and I will call that in in ways you couldn't possibly imagine."

James then left him on the floor and fled towards the Willow, reaching the room they were in in a record time. Unfortunately, as he walked in, he realized he was far, far too late. Sirius had just come, and collapsed against the Wolf, both howling to the moon as their bonding was complete.

'Oh, crap.' James thought, slipping away from the room and heading back downstairs to sleep. It was going to be a very long day tomorrow.

A/N Me happy. I completed this chapter and chapter two in two hours!

No, all is NOT forgiven, nor will it ever be that easy! Tune in next time to find out what horrors await our heroes!

The big question; it can happen, but will it? Should I make our darling Remmie pregnant? Should I add in a strange twist and make Sirius pregnant? Should I leave the force of nature to it's true course and leave pregnancy to the ladies? No, for the last one; men deserve the chance (Coughhorrorcough) to get pregnant as well. Believe me on this one! Anywhoo, I'll be off. Tell me what you want to see and you shall see it! Probably. Majority rules! This is a Dictatorship not a Democracy! Wait... no, this is a Democracy not a Dictatorship (Same thing, different way, I know, but it's nice to pretend!)

Well, gotta go! Love you all!

Till next time, don't forget to R&R!


	4. 4 Treat Eachother Like An Act Of War

Well hello, my freaky darlings! I know, I have been awful about my updates Sigh, however, I am on holiday now! Hurrah! This means two weeks of really regular and close updates, followed by hopefully a lot more nice and regular updates as well.

Now, on to a very important debate; Sirius or Remus as "mummy"? So far, the votes are as such:

Warnings and disclaimer (Eeeevil…) in chapter one. You can also find the lyrics there for Def Leppard's "When Love and Hate Collide", from which I have taken the title and chapter titles.

When Love and Hate Collide.

Chapter Four, Treat Eachother Like an Act of War.

Remus woke up the next morning to James' soft voice gently trying to wake someone else up.

"Padfoot, Sirius... Wake up, I'm waking Remus up in a moment and I think it's probably better if you aren't here..." Huh? _'Why would it be better if Sirius isn't here when I wake up?'_ As sleepiness wore off, however, a very unwanted image floated to Remus' mind.

He could see Sirius telling Snape in his mind about the Shrieking Shack over and over again. He felt hot tears speed down his cheeks, and instantly felt warm arms surround him, comforting him and heating up his freezing body. However, as soon as the arms settled around him, he recognized that the scent was not that of his mate's. He growled low in his throat, only his mate was allowed to touch him!

James quickly unwrapped his arms from around Remus, recognizing the warning growl. He sighed softly. He hadn't meant to wake Remus until he'd gotten Sirius out of the room. However, he heard the sound of broken sobs within minutes of entering the room. He backed away slightly to let Remus know that he wasn't a threat. The morning after the full moon, Remus still retained some of the wolf in his words and actions. Sirius had been the only one allowed to touch him straight after the transformation for longer than he cared to remember.

Sirius had woken up that morning to the sound of James whispering in his ear. He vaguely understood that James wanted him to leave, and he knew that it was probably the best idea, but he couldn't just leave Remus like that. He was always the one to help Remus after the transformation, the wolf never allowed anyone else near him, and he couldn't leave Remus without helping. He heard Remus' sobs, and he recognized that James had gone to comfort him. He didn't even notice Remus' growl, he was too busy holding his own back, how dare James touch his mate? Sirius was the only one allowed to comfort him!

Sirius touched James' shoulder lightly, signaling to him to leave. James nodded, and left, but not before warning Sirius with his eyes to be gentle with the delicate boy. Seconds later, James was gone and there was just Remus and Sirius.

Sirius sighed quietly, sitting down beside the crying boy. Remus leaned into his embrace, still sobbing.

"Hush, Moonchild, it's alright, everything's alright." He soothed, rubbing Remus' back.

"No it's not. How... how could you do that to me Sirius? How could you tell Snape – Snape of all people! – where to find me?"

"You knew about that? I thought, last night, that you didn't. The wolf seemed okay with me, preoccupied, but not angry."

"Don't avoid the question." Remus knew that had come out as a growl, but Sirius had surprised him. By all rights, Moony should have attempted to rip Padfoot's head off for his betrayal, that's he would have done to James or Peter. He hated not remembering what went on during the nights of the full moon, he always felt slightly left out when Sirius, James and Peter laughed and joked about how fantastic the night had been, when all he could remember was pain.

"Truthfully? I was afraid and jealous, and Snape had been saying things in Potions... he kept saying how sexy you were all vulnerable... he was saying h... how he'd like to fuck you so hard you bled, tear away your innocent shield and pull you off your 'perfect' high horse... I was afraid and jealous. I hated the though of him touching you, wanting to touch you, and I was afraid you might, might want to... I've just always looked at you as mine, you know. Sirius and Remus, Padfoot and Moony, not _Severus_ and Remus. I wanted to scare him off, and hell, if he got hurt, then it would be a bonus. The thought that you could do serious damage, turn him or kill him, didn't occur to me until _after_, when it was too late, and it was only then that I realized what could happen to you. I panicked, and did the only thing I could think of, which was go running to Dumbledore."

"It was James who pulled him back..."

" I know. I know everything, same as you. I just don't know how James knew."

"I told him. I overheard part of your conversation, enough to know what you did. I saw James seconds later, coming to help me get to the Shack, and I told him to stop Snape. What did Dumbledore say?"

"I got detentions. Lots and lots of detentions. Every night for a month, including weekends. Dumbledore said he understood why I'd done it, he suspected he would have been angry too at my age, however, I still needed to understand the severity of my actions. He said that, as it was so close to the OWLs, and I was running through high emotions and hadn't done it maliciously, he wouldn't expel me. I almost wish, knowing my punishment, that he would."

"What your punishment?"

"It's like... like and Azkaban thing, just with no Dementors. I have to see what would have happened. I have to... I have to watch that..." Suddenly Sirius was the one crying, and Remus was the one comforting him. "I have to watch the Mary Sheppard execution, starting from the first of next month."

Remus breathed out slowly, eyes wide. Sirius had been so, so upset by it. It had taken him two weeks to recover from seeing it once! Watching it every night for a whole month; it would be a wonder if Sirius ever recovered.

"Remus? I understand you are angry, and I understand that you feel hurt and betrayed, but I want you to know that I really didn't mean to hurt you, I was just acting on an impulse to protect what's mine. I'm begging you to, one day, forgive me for this. I'm not asking you to be my friend again, I know I'll probably never regain what we had, but I would at least like to know that I will be able to say hello, and sleep in the same dorm with you, and maybe begin to rebuild a friendship of sorts with you one day." Remus nodded slowly. He wasn't sure what to do with this.

"I think, one day, Sirius, we can be friends. But that day isn't today, and I don't think that day is tomorrow either. I love you, and I don't want to lose you forever. If it makes you feel better, I forgive you. I wouldn't wish your punishment on anyone, and I _will_ be talking to Dumbledore about it, however, I... I can't look at you right now. I think we need a few weeks to sort ourselves out." He removed his necklace. It was a small pendant – pewter charmed to look like silver – in the shape of a crescent moon with a star joining the tips in an almost circular shape. Sirius had bought it for him on the day they found out what he was, and he gave it to him as a promise that he loved him and, no matter what, he would always be there for Remus. It was almost like a promise ring, except it was for friends instead of lovers. Sirius choked on his tears as Remus pressed it into his hands.

"Keep it. One day, I will be ready to wear it again." He leaned forwards, pressing the gentlest of kisses to Sirius' lips, before pulling away. Reluctantly, tearfully, Sirius left, skirting invisibly around Madame Pomfrey as she came to check on Remus.

A/N. Anybody need a tissue? Am I the only person crying? Heartless bitches!

Not much action, I know, but a lot of pain and heartfelt conversations, as well as jealous Sirius! (And don't we love him right now!) The next chapter will involve angsty Sirius, hurt Remus, and possibly bastardized Snape. Fun! Also, there may be a peek in from Lily! I promise, right here and now, that this will not turn into a het piece. If I do have Lily in here, she will be here in a friend capacity only. James and Lily's get – together will consist of James yelling "Lily agreed to go on a date with me!" only. I told you this was a slash from the start, and this will remain a slash!

Anyway, R&R! Love you all!


	5. 5 Can't Stop The Hurt Inside

Hey! Probably my last update before Xmas, so Takes a deep breath MERRY XMAS! HAPPY HANUKAH! COOL YULE! GREAT WHATEVER ELSE YOU CELEBRATE! I do apologise if the last one offends anyone, but I'm not about to mention every celebration, especially as most of my readers are English or American, so Xmas should cover about 80. Besides, it's all about spreading the love! So, go spread!

Actually, that's exactly what it is, I have decided that Xmas, except for the traditional Christans, nowadays stands for a neutral celebration that a person from any religion can celebrate. These celebrations are a beacon of light in the dark of winter, as in Ancient England, the people needed something to keep them going, because winter was always the hardest, and a lot of people would die in winter. I think it does the same nowadays. The messge of Xmas is no longer about the birth of one leader, it is now a different, although still as poignant message about hope and spreading love, which is why I feel I, being Wiccan, can also celebrate Xmas, because it is a celebration for anyone, no longer a Christian one. Wiccans, Pagans and those who understand me look at Halloween for an example, those others of you, go watch a Muppet's Christmas Carol. It still makes me cry!

Sorry, I wanted to tell _someone_ about my new discovery!

This fic feels unloved! I was going through my reviews for this, and I only have two! Therefore, this is dedicated to Celi and Glod Silk, for being wonderful people and reviewing!

Celi: Sorry Chick, it looks like it's going to be Remus. Actually, that makes things a lot easier for me. Don't worry, Sirius'll have to suffer a pregnant Werewolf, and believe me, I will make him suffer!

Gold Silk: I sent you a very long and boring email (sorry, when you get me started on something, I do tend to run on!) I will deal with that in the next chapter, but right now, I'm being all sad.

Alright, before you beat me up! Warning, disclaimer and summary on chapter one.

When Love and Hate Collide.

Chapter Five, Can't Stop The Hurt Inside.

Montage: When Love and Hate Collide playing in the background.

_You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind  
Instead of slamming down the phone babe, for the hundredth time  
I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call  
When divided we stand baby, united we fall_

Sirius walks slowly towards Gryffindor Tower, the chain dangling from his hand, although the pentant is clutched safely in his fist. He's fighting back tears, but it doesn't work.

_Got the time got a chance gonna make it  
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it  
All I know I can't fight this flame  
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind  
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time_

James is stood by the entrance of the Tower. He reaches out to lay a comforting hand on Sirius' shoulder, but he brushes past, going in and laying on Remus' bed. He stares down at the pendant in his hand, tears finally falling to soak Remus' pillow as Sirius gently traces the Moon and Star with one trembling finger.

_Without you  
One night alone Is like a year without you baby  
Do you have a heart of stone  
Without you  
Can't stop the hurt inside  
When love and hate collide_

Remus is being checked over in the Hospital Wing by Madame Pomfrey. She's healing some cuts on his chest, but he's too busy watching the blood trailing from a cut on his arm to care. His eyes are red-rimmed, and, as she heals the cut, his hand moved to his bare throat.

_I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for  
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war  
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise  
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes_

Madame Pomfrey has now left, and Remus is curled on his side in the Hospital Bed, one hand curling at his bare throat, the other holding a photograph he always carries of him and Sirius in happier times, laughing together and smiling at the camera. He reaches out one hand, tracing the outline of Sirius face before his tears overwhelm him and he sobs into the pillow.

_There's a time and a place and a reason  
And I know I got a love to believe in  
All I know got to win this time_

James watches sadly from the door as Sirius cries himself to sleep, silently praying that they can make it up to eachother and their relationship can be patched up.

_Without you  
One night alone Is like a year without you baby  
Do you have a heart of stone  
Without you  
Can't stop the hurt inside  
When love and hate collide_

Lily, who has gone to the Hospital Wing on James' orders to check on remus, sighs sadly as she watches him cry, before brushing the hairs out of the face of the now-sleeping boy. She brushes a kiss across his temple, before leaving him in peace.

_You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind  
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby…Crazy…Crazy_

James sits in a chair in the Common Room and Lily comes in. She sits in his lap and curls up against him, both crying for their friends, silently offering eachother solace and comfort as well.

_Without you  
One night alone  
Is like a year without you baby  
Do you have a heart of stone  
Without you  
One night alone  
Is like a year without you baby  
If you have a heart at all  
Without you  
_

The scene is now split. On one side there is Sirius, facing towards the side with Remus on, sleeping now, with tear-tracks down his cheeks. On the other side, Remus is facing the imaginary Sirius, cheeks just as messy and tear stained. Between them sits and photograph and a pendant, both glistening with tears and clutched tigtly in desperate hands, even in sleep, as a last lifeline for the mourining boys.

_Can't stop the hurt inside  
When love and hate collide_

A/N. Pointless filler, maybe, but I didn't know how to get their sadness across otherwise. Have you ever seen those chick-flicks, where the sad couple think their relationship has been broken, and they go about being really sad, with the music in the background? That's the written version. Yeah, my tears have stopped now, so I'll go and post this for you.

Please, R&R.


	6. 6 Without You

Hey! I have finally finished my exams! They weren't as difficult as I expected, either. Now I just have the real ones to worry about…

When Love and Hate Collide.

Chapter 6, Without You.

Remus slowly dragged his weak form up to Gryffindor Tower. He didn't know why, but he was still utterly exhausted. He put it down to everything going on with Sirius, and he tried to ignore the nagging feeling that something was very, very wrong.

He also tried to ignore the ache deep in his heart that decided to make itself known every time he even though of Sirius. The strange weightlessness he seemed to feel every time he reached, in an unconscious gesture, to his throat only to feel the pale skin, bare of his pendant.

He'd never removed it, despite everything that had every happened between the two boys, and for it to be gone now was the worst feeling in the world.

He breathed out slowly again, pausing in front of the Fat Lady. He hesitated, afraid to go in. Afraid that Sirius would be there. He felt his heart clench, his skin prickle with heat. The back of his neck itched and he felt a twist in his gut. He was panicking. Why was he panicking?

Slowly, hesitantly, Remus crept into the Common Room. He breathed out in relief, and felt the tight heat dissipate slightly from his skin. There was no one in the room, no Sirius. He didn't have to deal with talking to or seeing him yet.

He sat down on the sofa nearest the fire, breathing out slowly. His ribs hurt – hell, everything hurt. He had blood covering him, literally, when he woke up. He'd taken a shower and cleaned out most of his cuts in the Hospital Wing before Madame Pomfrey looked after the rest. Internal bleeding, a cracked rib and a huge gash in his leg, but the pain had dulled now.

The ache in his heart, however, would take longer to heal.

James was very, very worried. Remus had, most certainly, gone in to heat on the full moon. He'd also mated with Sirius on the full moon. Now, there were several problems with this.

Pregnancy, pregnancy, pregnancy.

Oh, did he mention pregnancy?

Not to mention the fact that Remus wasn't talking to Sirius. This meant that he'd get pretty ill. In fact, the pregnancy wasn't the problem. The problem was, he more than likely not make it full term anyway.

He had to talk to Sirius. Really, really had to talk to Sirius.

Except, Sirius went missing. Yesterday.

And Remus had the Map.

Oy, this really was _not_ his day.

Remus had sat in his chair for a while, contemplating the problem of Sirius. He knew, logically, that he could not avoid him forever. They had classes together and they slept in neighbouring beds, but he still couldn't stand the thought of facing him, facing what he'd done, yet.

So, after spending an hour sitting and staring into the fire (well, what was left of it) he decided to kidnap the Map. This way, he could avoid Sirius without seeming to, and he'd only have to face him when there were others around. Sad and silly, true, but hopefully this would give them time to heal first.

He'd found the Map, and after explaining to James that he wanted to look after it for a while, he went down to the lake to watch the sunset.

He'd opened the Map once he was there, to see where Sirius was. He didn't know why, really. Morbid curiosity, probably. Watching the Map, he was surprised to see Sirius heading down the tunnel to the outskirts of Hogsmeade. It was a brilliant tunnel, it went from a corridor just off the Entrance Hall, and it took you to the hills just outside Hogsmeade. The views from there were brilliant, and it was only a 10 minute walk into the Village.

He sighed. Sirius, obviously, wanted to be as far away from him and everything about him as well.

It was Monday morning when Remus had first become concerned. He got up early and showered, before making his way down to breakfast. Aside from the painful aftermaths of the Full Moon, it was like any school day. He'd be proofreading his essays over breakfast when Sirius and James would come in – usually making some kind of ruckus – trailed by Peter, who would still look half asleep and extremely irritated by any loud noise or lights. This was what normally happened. This morning, however, James came trailing in alone, looking quite concerned.

"Hey, Remmie, have you seen Sirius? It's just, he didn't come to bed last night, and I need to talk to him."

Remus thought back to the Map yesterday, showing him going to Hogsmeade.

"No... not since yesterday. He... he was going to Hogsmeade."

James swore, loudly, before grinning apologetically at a stern looking McGonagall.

"Umm, could you check the Map for me?" Remus nodded, and gave James the Map.

After whispering the password, James tapped it and called 'Padfoot'. This spell would point on the Map at the person you were looking for. Well, it would... if they were in school.


	7. 7 If You Have A Heart At All

When Love and Hate Collide.

Chapter 7, If You Have A Heart At All.

Sirius had made his way to the hills overlooking Hogsmeade and sat down to watch the world pass him by. He watched the innocent villagers carry out their day-to-day lives, none even bothering to notice the depressed teen sitting on the hill above them.

He flicked the knife in his hand open, watching the sunlight set it alight with a cold detatchment. He deserved this. He deserved everything that came his way.

Remus' necklace was held loosely in his left fist, while he held the knife in his right one. He ran it gently over his wrist, following the path of ancient scars. The knife nicked his wrist, blood bubbling gently from the shallow cut. He continued the soft strokes, re-opening one of the scars. He'd learned this habit a while ago, realising that if he kept the cut covered until it was healed, no one would realise anything was wrong, there would just be old scars. It wasn't often that he became so depressed that he cut his wrists.

The scar he was opening now was the one time he'd actually considered ending it all. He had been sitting on his bed in Hogwarts on his second day there, after receiving his mother's Howler for being in Gryffindor. He'd realised at that point that his parents would never love him, and he'd given up. Ironically enough, it was Remus who had saved him. The young boy had come in crying, and Sirius' caring instincts had taken over. He'd bandaged the cut up and crept into Remus' bed with him, helping him deal with what had happened.

It turned out that one of the second year Slytherins had knocked him over in the corridoor and started saying nasty things about him. The hormonal Werewolf (Sirius didn't know it at the time, but Remus was more sensitive because it was the Full Moon the next night) had become so upset that he'd started crying.

The cut continued to deepen, but Sirius knew it wouldn't get deep enough, and he couldn't continue it for much longer. His natural shut-off valve, as he called it.

Pushing his fears aside and pulling his self-disgust and anger to the front of his mind, he pressed harder with the knife, feeling his flesh split beneath the blade. Blood began gushing from the wound, as Sirius methodically cleaned his knife and put it away. He wrapped a pre-torn part of his shirt around his wrist and pulled it gently to his chest, curling up and sleeping. He felt so tired, so, so tired, and maybe now he wouldn't have nightmares of Remus' pale, angry, betrayed face.

So tired...

Remus and James hurried through the tunnel. There was no reason, absolutely none, why Sirius shouldn't have returned, and they had both agreed that they should search for him.

They were rather surprised to find him almost immediatley when they arrived on the other side of the tunnel. He was sleeping, curled on his side at his favourite spot on the hill overlooking Hogsmeade.

They didn't notice the blood until they were reaching to wake him up.

Madame Pomfrey exited the private room of the Hospital Wing to talk to the two scared looking boys sitting on one of the beds.

"Well? How is he?" James asked her impatiently.

"He'll live. He has a slight case of hypothermia, it looks like he was sitting there all night. He wrapped his wrist up quickly, so the blood flow was stemmed, and it'll be okay. He missed the vein by a tiny amount, which is very lucky. I've put healing salve on the cuts, and given him a Pepper-Up Potion and a Blood-Replenishing Potion. He's going to stay in here tonight, then he'll be released into your custody."

"Custody?" Remus gasped.

"The physical injuries will be healed by tomorrow, but the mental scars will take a lot longer to heal. Sirius did this to himself, which means he may do it again. Now, I can release him into your custody, boys, and trust that you know what happened and can prevent it from happening again, or I can hand all of this over to the Ministry, and let them deal with this."

"We'll look after him, Madame Pomfrey. Can we see him?"

"He's sleeping, and you two should be at dinner. You can see him tomorrow morning, when you come to collect him." She seemed to soften suddenly. "Listen, boys, this is a difficult situation. I think we all know what brought this on, but the important thing right now is making sure it doesn't happen again. I think that the best way of doing that is having you two sort him out, treat him the way you normally treat him. However, I don't want him left alone for any length of time."

"Okay, we'll be here first thing tomorrow. Thanks, Madame P." James grinned rakishly at her, both of them smiling with relief that Sirius was okay.


	8. 8 You Could Have A Change of Heart

I've had a new bout of inspiration for this fic, so I'm going to try and finish it, then pick up where I left off with The Deal.

Disclaimer, Summary and Review in chapter one.

Gold Silk; Concerning your review for chapter 4; I'm sorry I didn't explain it in the other chapters, but it will be expalined in this chapter.

Lillei; Yes, now you do have to update! I'm glad you're glad I'm updating! Short? What are you calling _short_? It wasn't the longest in the world, but _short_!

Celi; I _love_ you! I love that you have reviewed every chapter so far! And believe me, the suffering will start soon. It's really not easy telling the boy you have only _just_ made up with that you had sex with him without telling him!

When Love and Hate Collide.

You Could have A Change Of Heart.

Sirius lay back on the bed, bored out of his mind. James and Remus were supposed to come and pick him up now, but they'd been delayed by that overbearing nurse. She couldn't let him go now, could she? No, she had to give then a _two hour_ lecture on how fragile he was, and how they had to look after him, and if he hurt himself again, they would be held responsible, and so on. He just wanted out of here!

Remus was unbelievably bored. He just wanted to get Sirius, take him back to the Dorms and lay into him. But no, he had to spend two and a half _hours_ listening to Madame Pomfrey's "Lesson" about looking after suicidal people. He knew exactly how to deal with his suicidal friend. Yell at him. A lot. Then lay on the waterworks and guilt trip him into stopping.

But no, he was supposed to be _supportive_. He was supposed to _listen_. He was supposed to make Siruis _happy_. Wow, that would really work. Act like nothing happened, turn a blind eye to his self-harming and smile prettily at him whenever you notice that his white shirt's trying to turn Gryffindor.

Bullshit.

Finally! After another half an hour, Sirius was finally free. Wonderful.

He followed his two best friends through the empty Common Room, up to the Dorms. Peter was still playing Mr. Absent, not wanting to get caught up in the middle of something.

Remus, tight-lipped and angry, pointed to the bed.

"Sit." Sirius sat down quickly, not wanting to antagonize the Werewolf further. "Now, Sirius Black, you will tell me EXACTLY what you though you were doing."

"I was just... upset. So I tried a little stress relief. I got a bit... Carried away, is all."

"No, Sirius, telling the person you hate most in the world my deepest, darkest secret because you were jealous over a few lewd comments is carried away, trying to kill yourself is a problem!" Remus shouted, his eyes flashing furiously. James started backing away.

"Err, Remus, I think I'll leave you to deal with this. Once you're done, I want to have a word with him as well." James then practically fled the room.

Remus turned pain-filled eyes on Sirius, tears brightening the amber colouring even more. "Why, Sirius? Didn't you think I'd suffered enough, so you decided to add this onto my conscience?" He sobbed in a quiet, infinitely more hurtful voice.

"No! Merlin no, Remus!" Sirius pulled the sobbing Werewolf closer, holding him to his chest as he began crying. "I just... It was my fault, I hurt you, I deserved it, all of it. I couldn't handle the thought of never getting you back. I… I just couldn't take it any more, not without letting some of it out."

"Did… Did you really want to die?"

"At the time, yes. I couldn't take it, and I did, I wanted to just give up. But I don't, I don't want to leave you. I don't want to give up on us, I'm just worried that there's no "Us" to give up on."

"I can't lose you, Sirius. I just can't. I don't know any more. What can I do, to get you to promise never to try this again? What would it take?"

"Forgive me? Take this back? I just want you back so much, I'd do anything. Please?" Remus sighed into Sirius' neck, feeling the older boy shiver slightly. Sirius was holding his pendant out to him.

Remus smiled privately. He'd missed Sirius - and that stupid bloody pendant - so much. He couldn't stay angry at him, especially considering how it had affected Sirius.

He nodded, and Sirius held the pendant out to him, but Remus turned away from it.

"Can you put it on me?" Sirius smiled at him and quickly clipped the pendant back in place. Remus' hand instantly moved to it, feeling as if everything had suddenly falling back into place. He was Sirius' now, and Sirius was his...

He turned around, throwing his arms around Sirius' neck, and sobbing again.

"Just, promise me... Promise me you'll never do anything like this to me again Sirius. I'd rather you just had me executed. If you can promise me that, that you'll never hurt yourself or betray me, then I can forgive you."

"I promise." Sirius croaked, tears choking his voice.

Twenty minutes of hugging and crying later, Remus finally left Sirius alone to go get James. He sat in a seat in the Common Room while James went upstairs - presumably to yell at Sirius. He couldn't help but smirk as he reached a hand to touch his pendant. He'd missed it, the feel of it around his neck and everything it had come to mean to him.

He thought the whole thing had gone rather well. He'd put the waterworks on at first, guilt-tripped Sirius into telling him the truth _and_ he managed to get him to promise not only to never do it again, but to never hurt Remus again as well.

All in all, it went well. He knew Sirius, and he trusted that Sirius would keep his secrets now - guard them with his life if he had to.

No, Sirius wouldn't ever betray him or hurt him again.

James entered the Dorm to find Sirius sitting on his bed. The boy had obviously been crying, his eyes had taken on an unnatractive red blotchiness. He eyed James warily, obviously expecting another lecture.

"I'm not going to lecture you, Sirius. I know you and Remus too well. I know he's dealt with you. I also know that his leaving you alone means that you'll never look at another knife in that way again. I want to talk to you about something else. Namely, your mating with Remus." Sirius went scarlet at this, avoiding looking at James.

"What about it?"

"What do you know about it?"

"Well, I know that it is Remus mating and that it is for life. I know that it means he looks at me as a Dominant, and the best possibility for a mate. Why?"

"No, not quite. Yes, he mated for life with you, and yes he's the Submissive one, but the reason he chose you is because you are in love with him and he's in love with you too.

This wouldn't have happened if he was the Dominant one, however he would have probably pinned you down and -"

"I think I get the picture." Sirius broke in, flushing deeply.

"Yes, well. Because he's the Submissive one, he... he went through a change, before you arrived. That's where the blood came from. It basically changes his biology for a month, because most Werewolves are Mated to a normal human, so the Mating process takes place a few days after the Full Moon. Mostly, they spend the month needing sex until the goal is achieved." Sirius swallowed, looking rather nervous.

"Remus and I haven't needed sex since then, so the... goal was acieved, right?" James nodded. "So, what was the goal. What happened?" James frowned, looking away.

"The goal is... umm... Remus is, he's pregnant."


	9. 9 The Truth is Like a Stranger

Hehehe, I know I took a while. This is getting interesting, no?

When Love and Hate Collide.

Chapter 9, The Truth is Like a Stranger.

"Oh." Sirius said.

"Oh?"

"Oh." Sirius nodded with finality. James just smiled, bemused. This wasn't like Sirius at all, and James wanted to know what was going on with his strange friend.

"I just told you your male Mate - who still thinks he's a single virgin, by the way - is pregnant, and all you can say is "oh"?"

"Well, it's a bit of a shock, obviously. But it's not like you would lie to me about something like this, so I guess I'll just have to deal with it. And tell Moony." James saw a flicker of fear and nervousness replace the calm that had previously taken precedence over his friend's face and smiled. At least Sirius wasn't completely numb right now, he could still feel some fear.

"Well, good luck with that." James replied dubiously. Personally, he'd rather have had to face telling McGonnagal and Dumbledore that he'd just attempted to murder one of their pupils than have to tell Moony something like this, but that was the way things were with Sirius - never a dull moment around him. Sirius wanted a moment to get used to this before telling Remus, and James really couldn't blame him.

He pushed thoughts of Sirius and Remus to the back of his mind when he noticed Lily was sitting in the Common Room. He sat down heavily beside her, immediately curling into her welcoming arms. She just stroked a hand through his unruly hair, trusting him to tell her in his own time.

Sirius ran a trembling hand through his hair, wondering how long James would give him before demanding he tell Remus. He had been hoping to have a little longer to get accustomed to his impending fatherdom (not to mention death at his Mate's hands) before anyone - especially Remus - found out. He should have known, when he saw James in the doorway, that James would research this. But then again, James didn't seem to have expected the same from Sirius, so it was only fair. Honestly, Lily must have gone to his head if he didn't expect Sirius to run to the nearest book on Werewolves and find out what this all meant.

Sirius could only hope James bought his acting. He'd made sure not to drop any hints that he already knew - or worse, tell James that Remus was pregnant if that wasn't what James was talking about. But Sirius had always been a bad actor. Hopefully James would just pass it off as shock.

: :

Remus rubbed tired eyes and tried to concentrate once more on his book. He had missed a lot of work during this disastrous moon, and he still needed to catch up. A feat that would be a lot easier if his head would stop spinning and his eyes would just _focus_ damnit!

"Oh Gods, no, not now." He moaned as he felt consciousness slip away from him. He was in his corner in the Library, and no one knew where he had gone. "Damn." He murmured softly as his eyes slipped closed. Funny, he could have sworn those were Sirius' boots.

: :

"Fuck." Sirius groaned when he found Remus. The other boy was unconscious, sprawled on the floor in his secluded corner of the Library. Gods, if Sirius hadn't been looking for him, Remus could have been left here overnight. That definitely wouldn't have been good for either he or the baby.

He gently picked his Mate up, cradling him close to his body as he carried him up to the Common Room, one ear open for the sounds of any Teachers. It was close to curfew, so he didn't have to worry too much about any wayward students seeing them.

When they reached the dorms, thankfully without incident or witnesses, Sirius gently laid Remus out on the bed. He rubbed his forehead, unconscious mimicking Remus' previous actions, and stretched out next to Remus. This was his fault, if he'd told Remus before about his condition, they could have had the contact they both needed after freshly Mating - especially with Remus' pregnancy.

He bit his lip anxiously, pulling Remus close to him and slipping a hand up his shirt to gently lay out on his stomach. The other boy moaned softly and snuggled gently closer to him. Sirius let out a soft sigh of relief, thankful that this small contact would be enough. His research had turned up some worrying facts, like, for instance, that most newly Mated couples don't tend to leave the bedroom at all for the first few days and _all_ new Mates needed quite a bit of sexual contact - or _some_, at least - in the beginning to strengthen the bond. He could only hope Remus would allow that, even if he didn't forgive him. Sirius didn't want to consider what he'd have to do if he didn't.

: :

Remus was warm, something that he hadn't felt in a while. The constant chill that permeated his bones was gone, and he felt... Wonderful. Refreshed and rejuvenated, like he could take on the world. Or he could if it wasn't for the warm hand gently rubbing small circles on his abdomen. Circles that seemed to spark straight to his groin. He frowned slightly as a small moan sounded in the room. That... sounded a lot like him. That _was_ him, making those little needy moans.

The other person disentangled from him, obviously taking care not to rip away or seem to be pulling away from him. He felt both hands wrap around him in a hug once the hand that had been under his shirt (and _how_ did that get there?) had resurfaced. He felt a soft kiss to his shoulder, before "Morning Moony" was whispered into the exposed skin there.

"S... Sirius!" he squeaked, before turning over, wincing as he realized that brought their bodies into full alignment. He'd woken up hard, and Sirius' talented hands hadn't helped. He flushed, but persisted. "Sirius, what's going on?"

he really didn't like the look of guilt and concern that crossed Sirius' face. This _never _boded well for _anyone_. Oh Gods, what had he done this time?


	10. When Love and Hate Collide

This is it, folks, the final chapter! Enjoy the results of two years of (not particularly) hard work…

When Love and Hate Collide.

Chapter 10, When Love and Hate Collide.

"Remus… there's something I have to tell you. You… Well, at the last Full Moon, uhh, Moony went into… well, he went into heat…"

"But that's… that's impossible, that shouldn't happen for another two years! And anyway, if that did happen, then I'd be… Well, I'd be very horny right now… Probably half mad, and I'm perfectly fine, so…"

"You would be horny, if you hadn't mated."

"I would have remembered mating with someone Sirius! That usually involves sex, and lots of it."

"There's one time of the month where you don't remember it. There's one reason that right now, you don't feel any obvious effects of having gone into heat… and that's id you'd mated with someone and… and fallen pregnant… at the moon…"

"But… oh… NO… Sirius, please, tell me we didn't…."

"We did. I'm so sorry, Moony… I should have told you, but you were so angry with me, and I didn't know what had happened and when I did find out, you were only just being my friend again and… And so I'm telling you now. You're pregnant, and you're my mate, Remus."

Remus shook his head, fear and that intense cold permeating him again.

"You can't be my mate… You can't be…"

"I am, Moony. I mated with you… And… And we need to do it again, soon, because we need to reconnect, and we need to have a lot more sexual contact to reaffirm the bond or you and our baby will die…"

Remus let out a small, disbelieving sob before bouncing out of the bed, tugging his robe over his naked body hastily and fleeing the room. Sirius just groaned and flopped back on the bed dejectedly.

:break:

Sirius didn't see or hear from Remus again for the rest of the day, and worry both for Remus and the baby clouded his mind throughout. Finally, a little before dinner, Sirius gave up waiting and went up to the Dorm to get the map and find Remus. He was surprised, therefore, to discover the young werewolf sleeping on his bed. He sighed and went across to tug the blanket over his body, frowning at the chill to Remus' skin. He was a little too cold…

"Remus? Remus, wake up. Remus, wake up for me Remus." He gasped, growing more and more concerned as he shook him. Remus wasn't responding and Sirius sobbed quietly in the back of his throat. He was too late, and his only choice now was to fuck the unconscious body of his mate if he wanted him to wake up long enough to re-create the bond. "Oh Remus, I really wished I didn't have to do this like this…" He whispered, quickly stripping both himself and Remus down.

He slid into bed next to Remus, holding the body close to him for a while to heat him up. Slowly one hand began stroking over Remus' body, tracing over too prominent rib bones and old transformation scars. He finally worked up the courage to trail his hands further down and curl around Remus' penis, gently stroking it in a feeble attempt to arouse him. The organ in his hand twitched once, but refused to stiffen further, and Sirius whimpered as he traced his hand down further before pressing one dry finger into Remus.

It was at this intimate gesture that Remus finally responded, slowly waking up under Sirius' touches, so that when his other hand came around to curl around Remus' cock and he pressed another finger in, Remus was fully aroused and he moaned. This, unfortunately, woke him fully and suddenly he was pulling away, ripping Sirius' fingers from his body and eliciting a mewl of pain at the sudden dry exit.

"What the hell were you doing?" He yelled. Sirius winced, but wrapped his arm around Remus anyway.

"Saving your life. You need this, you need to have my seed in you and the connection that sex gives us or you're just going to die. I thought you were dead when I came in here and first saw you. Your lips were blue and you were so cold - I shook you and called your name and even got two fingers in your body before you woke up - what does that tell you? I didn't want our first time to be that way, and I'm glad you're awake, but… But we can't wait anymore. I'm sorry, Remus, but I'm not putting you in any more danger."

This said, Sirius Summoned a tube of lubricant from his own bedside cabinet and slicked up three fingers, urging Remus to lay on the bed again. Remus just looked up at Sirius, completely shocked.

"You… You can't be serious… The first time… I won't die, I'll just get very ill. You should know that this is what'll seal the bond, and what'll tie us together forever! You can't honestly tell me -."

"Tell you what, that I love you? That I _want_ to be mated to you for the rest of our lives? That I want this baby, _our_ baby? I can, and I am, Remus. I'm not losing you or the baby, not when I know you love me. You had to have loved me, to have attracted me like that, and to have let me mate with you in the first place." Remus blushed and looked away, but he couldn't deny it.

"That… that's not the point…" He muttered sullenly. Sirius shook his head and tugged Remus' chin up.

"That is _exactly_ the point. I don't want you to be unconscious, and I don't want this to be a rape, but this _will_ happen, and I'd rather it happened now, with us both willing and conscious."

"You'd really… force me, if I didn't…"

"I… I don't know what I'd do… but that's my baby that will die if we don't mate, and this is my bond that will be discarded as well as yours, and I'd die - and kill - for both. But I don't ever, ever want to hurt you for it…"

Remus drew in a sharp breath, before nodding.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay, let's… let's do this… let's have sex…" he whispered, relaxing onto the bed and tugging Sirius hand back to his still aroused body.

"Remus… are you honestly… I mean, you're not just doing this…"

"I love you, you're right about that, and I don't want our baby to die either… It's all I could think about all day… So let's do this, as long as you're sure it's what you want as well."

"It is."

:break:

Remus slept afterwards, a genuine, healthy sleep, and they both missed dinner. They woke up hungry (the first time since the full moon for either of them) and they ended up going to the Kitchens for food. Sirius couldn't help but laugh at the House Elves delight at having visitors, and his breath caught at the wonderful sight of Remus - finally healthy and happy again, chattering away with the Elves as they pressed treats and sweets and delicious hot chocolate at them.

They left the Kitchens half an hour later laden down with éclairs and sandwiches, still laughing delightedly at the reception they received from the house Elves. Sirius caught Remus hand as they swung around one corner and tugged him into a euphoric kiss.

"I love you, Remus Lupin, and I intend to spend every day of my life telling you that." He whispered against his Mate's lips, before breaking away with one lingering kiss and gentle stroke to the non-existent "bump" before continuing on his way to the Dorms with his glowing Werewolf walking by his side.

End

A/n: Nearly two years, two long, long years, and it's over.

If you want a sequel, I have posted "You're what". Just re-write parts of it and you've got my basic idea for the way they are when they're older.


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